The Way I Used to Be

Eden “Edy” McCrorey is the protagonist of The Way I Used to Be. Eden is the victim of rape just as she begins her freshman year; the book follows her throughout high school as she grapples with the aftermath of her assault. Eden undergoes a major transformation over those four years: from innocent “band-geek nobody” (7) to the school “slut, whore, skank, bitch, whatever” (88). Eden’s transformation is propelled by the impulse to be anything but the girl she once was: “I’m not her anymore. I don’t even want to be her anymore. That girl—who was so naïve and stupid—the kind of girl who could let something like this happen to her” (7). Eden views herself as a weak victim and blames herself for Kevin’s actions. To counter this—as well as school bullying—Eden embraces her hidden anger. She transitions from a quiet 14-year-old who participates in school activities and has strong familial relationships to a withdrawn and emotionally isolated 18-year-old who abuses alcohol and engages in frequent casual sex.

As Eden positions herself as a survivor—one focused on the image of looking “tough” (143) and in control—she systematically distances herself emotionally from her brother, her parents, her best friend Mara, her romantic partner Josh Miller, and the Lunch-Break Book Club members.